The CAPER Dynamics of Abuse

Control, anger, power, entitlement, and revenge (CAPER) are five powerful dynamics that allow someone to be abusive to another. These dynamics, interestingly, can be used against oneself, also. For example, if I make a mistake and embarrass myself, and I could be along or with others, I may say, “how can I be so stupid! You are an idiot!” That is part of me that is turning on myself to shame me and undermine my own integrity. Can I make mistakes? Yes, all the time, every day. Should I be aware of my mistakes? Absolutely. Should I take responsibility for my mistakes? Most assuredly. But there is a way to do that without undermining my own character. I have just used the power of part of my personality to shame…
Read More

Understanding Domestic Abuse

Understanding Domestic Abuse There are hundreds of ways in which a person may experience domestic abuse. They can be understood as, what I call, the C.A.P.E.R. Dynamics. Sadly, the vast majority of domestic abuse is men abusing women or children. Therefore, I will use the pronoun “he” for the abuser and “she” for the victim. Of course, domestic abuse occurs in gay couples as well. CONTROL-When one person attempts to manage the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors of another. ANGER-The abusive person has limited emotional expression. He can appear happy but all other emotion comes out as anger. He does not take responsibility for his emotions but blames others for how he feels. POWER-External strength given to the abuser through society. It can be through his physical stature, status in…
Read More