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When I was the co-ordinator for women and children in a domestic abuse program, women would often ask, in frustration, “Is there such a thing as a healthy relationship?’ There have been many articles and lists, detailing what a healthy relationship looks like, but some of those lists were exhausting detailed. I found the easier and best guide was to buy a row of Canadian breath mints and follow the acronym: CERTS CERTS is an easy and, I think, complete guideline to understand what a healthy friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage looks like. C-consent: Both partners can discuss, have differing opinions, and come to a common, un-manipulated conclusion on any topic or decision, or simply agree amicably to disagree. E-equality: Each person is as important as the other in all…

February is the month in which many of us think of hearts and roses, candle lit dinners, and Valentines. It is the month of love. It is now also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. One in three will experience some form of abuse before leaving the teenage years. Name calling, pushing, isolation from friends and family, hitting, devaluing, forced pregnancy are just a few of the many tactics a dating partner may use to control his/her partner. It begins with a belief that the abusive boyfriend (less commonly, girlfriend) has an entitlement that, if written on paper, looks like: I am in charge of our relationship. If you love me, you will do what I want. I have a right to control your behavior. I take priority over your family,…

Frozen. While many of us may wish the ground were frozen and the snow would fly in January, the season can stand as a powerful and frightening metaphor for our hearts and minds at times. I remember working in a school for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed students, a school that embraced children from kindergarten to seniors in high school. It was a unique school. One para aptly stated that “the halls were filled with sadness.” Although there was laughter in the school at times, and a great deal of care coming from the staff, the emotional range of the students appeared limited. Frozen. A student was often either happy, angry, or numb. The rainbow of emotions like sadness, hurt, joy, embarrassment, shame, delight, and all the complex emotions humans have…

December is gift month. It doesn’t matter if a person is religious, spiritual, or agnostic, this is the month of holidays and with it comes expectations, plans, preparations, with a significant amount of material goods swapped between family and friends. There are some who even give gifts to people unknown, just for the joy of it, the generosity of it. A greater question, however, bears asking: what kind of gift do you feel you are to yourself and others? Do you feel as if you bring good cheer and lightness into the room when you walk in? Is there an excitement inside when you feel you are joining a circle of people? Or does it seem as if there is an invisible barrier that keeps you out in most circles,…

November was the month when we paid, at the very least, lip service to being thankful. We even had a day on the calendar marked specifically for a whole day of being thankful. It’s an important part of being human. We become more self aware and, frankly, happier, when we think and feel thankfulness. So what does it mean when someone doesn’t feel thankful, can’t think of anything or anyone for whom to give thanks. Generosity is one of the human needs, which I wrote about in last month’s Blog. And in so many ways, generosity of one’s time, money, material effects, and even sense of humor has to do with being aware of thanks. But again, what does it mean if one cannot seem to muster those thoughts and feelings? Dysthymia…