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Three Year Old Psychology

The three year old little girl had a wonderful time with her cousins but it was time to go home. Filled with energy, she slammed into her aunts and uncles with big hugs and turned to put on her red shoes. They were not there. At the door, she found her white sandals. Despair filled her heart and she fell to the floor in sobs. Her father recognized that his daughter was 3 years old, in transition from party to home, and exhausted from excitement. It was raining out so the red shoes in the car were staying in the car. In a gentle but firm voice, her father said to her, “You can put your white sandals on and walk to the car or Daddy can carry you to…
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FOG

It’s early morning. The car moves slowly, as if it is searching for the road. There is grey fog ahead, behind, and to each side. The driver feels uncertain, hoping no car has simply stopped in the road in front, wondering if there is an impatient driver behind who may veer into the lane beside her. It is the time of a faint hearted sun that cannot clear the sides of the roads, where a deer may be waiting to dart into traffic. It’s a ponderous journey, the body tense, the eyes alert, the breathing light and fast. Fog is everywhere. This, too, can be an internal landscape for those who live in FOG. In Susan Forward’s enlightening book, EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL, FOG is the acronym she uses to describe persons…
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Laugh Out Loud

This weekend, my husband, Tim, and I took two of our grandchildren to see “Zootopia” in a theatre that has less expensive tickets. I prefer that. Very quickly, Tim and I were laughing out loud as quips from the characters mixed with action. He and I appeared to be the only two adults laughing out loud and our two grandchildren found the film interesting and quietly delightful. This morning, as I read the Nordic noir novel, THE 100 YEAR OLD MAN WHO CRAWLED OUT THE WINDOW AND DISAPPEARED by Jonas Johansson, I again found myself laughing out loud at the cleverly written sentences about a handful of amoral and cheerful men and one woman who did not watch her language. I also noted that the sun was shining, determined to…
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CERTS

When I was the co-ordinator for women and children in a domestic abuse program, women would often ask, in frustration, “Is there such a thing as a healthy relationship?’ There have been many articles and lists, detailing what a healthy relationship looks like, but some of those lists were exhausting detailed. I found the easier and best guide was to buy a row of Canadian breath mints and follow the acronym: CERTS CERTS is an easy and, I think, complete guideline to understand what a healthy friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage looks like. C-consent: Both partners can discuss, have differing opinions, and come to a common, un-manipulated conclusion on any topic or decision, or simply agree amicably to disagree. E-equality: Each person is as important as the other in all…
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Teen Dating Violence Prevention Month

February is the month in which many of us think of hearts and roses, candle lit dinners, and Valentines. It is the month of love. It is now also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. One in three will experience some form of abuse before leaving the teenage years. Name calling, pushing, isolation from friends and family, hitting, devaluing, forced pregnancy are just a few of the many tactics a dating partner may use to control his/her partner. It begins with a belief that the abusive boyfriend (less commonly, girlfriend) has an entitlement that, if written on paper, looks like: I am in charge of our relationship. If you love me, you will do what I want. I have a right to control your behavior. I take priority over your family,…
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